“Stance “ and how to get more of it


Confidence has always been an enigma to me . Why is confidence so easy to lack? Perhaps it is a legacy of the past. Schools and institutions may have crushed your spirit or well meaning parents sent out subtle messages of assault to your inner sanctum . Grown ups don’t actually have all the answers and we have at times needed to cultivate a subtle suspicion of authority.
Do those that possess this “confidence” have their DNA infused with lucky telomeric strands encoded into specific genes that scientists have yet to name. And maybe in their near future the confidence gene will be named as confidently as the BRCA gene is linked to breast cancer.

To date no single gene (s) have been linked to confidence. Robert Plomin of the institute for Psychiatry, has done research published in the journal Psychological Science .Plomin’s findings suggest that the correlation between genes and confidence may be as high as 50 %.
As yet unidentified self confidence genes appear to influence school and athletic performance as children with a greater belief in their own abilities often perform better at school , even if they were actually less intelligent.

The same holds true for athletes. Google says confidence is a complex trait that is influenced by a combination of genetic, environmental and psychological factors. That subtle infusion of stance and attitude is a likely mix of nature and nurture.

In this blog we will explore the meaning and strategies for acquisition of this trait, the benefits and significance of it for mental health in teenagers, young adults and everyone really. In my next blog, I will touch on parenting strategies to help boost confidence in their growing offspring , bolstering them for a future in which they can embrace life’s challenges with resilience and a healthy dose of confidence ; like Tyla who created her hit single “ Water” or Joaquin Phoenix’s wife Josephine in the recent Ridley Scott production of “ Napoleon”.
At the end of this blog you may be a better judge of what constitutes self confidence.

Confidence:What is it ?

Self confidence is a belief in one’s ability and potential. This inner belief of self allows individuals to trust their abilities, worth and potential.
You may also be wondering what does self confidence look like ? ( insert pic of tayla)
Verbal cues of self confidence include clear communication, assertiveness in communication and a strong clear voice when speaking.Non verbal cues indicating self confidence would be good posture,not fidgeting and making direct eye contact.

Strategies to acquire self confidence

  1. Self -Awareness : When you have a clear understanding of who you are and what you are capable of you can provide a platform for confidence to grow.
  2. Setting realistic goals: minimalizing larger goals to smaller achievable ones, achieving them, and celebrating each accomplishment reinforces one’s sense of competence.
  3. Embrace failure: For those of you that seldom fail this may come as a shock when you do. Failure is actually an opportunity for learning and growth. Bouncing back from failure builds resilience.
  4. Surrounding oneself with supportive people. Encouraging individuals can provide a sense of belonging and validation. We should be more ascerbic about the people who share our social space.
  5. Practise self care: nurture the physical and mental body with exercise , relaxation and rest as this helps reduce stress and also prioritizes your needs. Send a message to the self that you deserve attention and care.

What are the uses of acquiring self confidence ?

Self confidence builds:

  1. Resilience: self confidence acts as a buffer against stress and anxiety and helps us bounce back from set backs. Lazarus and Folkman describe two main coping mechanisms which individuals will apply in order to minimize, tolerate or escape the effects of stress. There are two main strategies : the active problem-solving strategy and the avoidant one. Problem solving strategies are considered more functional as they employ confrontation of the problem, processing of the stress and functional adaptation. It has been shown that individuals with low self esteem use avoidant coping styles focused on emotions.
  2. Assertiveness: acquiring assertiveness empowers individuals to express their thoughts and wants.This helps them engage in healthy relationships.
  3. Decision making: self confident individuals trust their judgement, enabling them to make informed decisions and take calculated risks. Confidence judgement is the subjective feeling of being correct about a choice and this feeling of confidence is not only critical to re-evaluate previous decisions , but can also guide future decision -making.
  4. Overcoming social anxiety: having self confidence helps individuals to embrace their uniqueness and engage confidently with others on a social scene.
  5. Pursuing opportunities: exploring opportunities and stepping out of one’s comfort zone encourages growth and personal and professional development.


It’s not all that easy so don’t despair if you are that person(s) reading this article thinking in your delicate mind that you carry around a sense of persecution and a feeling that others are not necessarily on your side-they are judging you to be the shameful and useless creatures that you think you are. None of us are exempt in many points of our life in thinking we are losers. No,you are not a loser and you will not be the first or last to think you are. In acknowledging failure and releasing the tight hold on dignity, we lose the fear of failure and it lessens its tight grasp on us. And thus we may take on more challenges and ultimately acquire more confidence.

Watch Video Here: How to be confident (YouTube)

Screenshot: How to be Confident (YouTube) – School of Life

Self confidence is a powerful attribute that can improve the trajectory of a life.

By understanding its usefulness , and employing effective strategies, individuals can cultivate self confidence as a lifelong asset.

Now go forth, let go of your fear , as the only real fear we should have is the fear of not trying . Show a bit more stride in your step that is necessary to overcome any preemptive reticence.

Now that will be a good stance.